hetalia's crack
by Vladabean
Summary: so, all my stories are sooo depressing, so here goes nothing. shout out to those of you who think every story should be a cutsey, fun disney movie.
1. chapter 1

Chapter one: the germanic family dinner

Austria, germany, prussia, liechtenstein, Switzerland, and hungary. That was the basic germanic family. Atleast, the ones Austria was closest to. So, he and Hungary invited them over for dinner. "Hungary, how much time do we have left?" "Fifteen minutes. That should give us enough time to pre-pour the whine, and one of those should be water. We don't want Switzerland going around killing people over Liechtenstein having whine." "Got it. Thank you." After a while, they heard a hard knock at the door. "Welcome." Austria said to Germany and Prussia. "Kesesesese! Austria, you don't need to be so formal! We've known eachother for years!" "Well, excuse my manners. Being polite will get me nowhere in life." Austria said flatly. "Prussia please, chill out. Can we go just a few hours without you being, as you say it, awesome?" Germany was done. Prussia sighed as dramatically as he could to spite them both. "Fiiiiiine." Germany elbowed him. "Well, aren't you going to sit?" Austria aknowlaged the table. Then, there was another knock at the door. "Hello, Mr. Austria." Liechtenstein said. "Hello, Liechtenstein, Switzerland. How are you?" "Just fine. Liechtenstein had a huge government crisis a while ago, but she's doing better. Just a little tired." Austria smiled. "Well, I'm glad to hear she's doing better. Same thing happened to Hungary. I came home from running some errands and she greeted me, told me she wasn't feeling well, and then she fell into my arms." "Good lord. I bet getting the resources to take care of her wasn't cheap." When everyone was at the table, they heard a crash. Hungary tripped coming down the stairs and she couldn't get up, so they took her to the hospital. The expenses to fix a broken ankle, knee, and arm were a bit high, and none of the economies were great, so it was a hard desicion. But, Liechtenstein shoved everyone out of the way. "Move, you tightwads. Big bruder's gonna pay for it." Then, she pulled out a gold credit card and everyone was howling because her physical age was ten. Switzerland looked at Austria. "I raised her right. That's my girl. Now you know why I save my money. For emergencies." Liechtenstein winked at her brother. Liechtenstein was a beast.


	2. chapter two

Chapter two: Finland is done. A nordic special.

Iceland: "Hey tino, I kinda dyed hanatomago bright green...sorry." "iceland, what. Just what."

Norway: "hey finland, I kinda multiplied your reindeer team by ten." "oh my god norway."

Denmark: "Hey, finny! What's-" "only. Berwald. Calls. Me. Finny."

Berwald: *suited up in armor with a sheild and sword* "Finland, fourth oldest nordic and the wisest and strongest of all countries, my sweet, caring, intelligent, tough husband...I may or may not have burned down your sauna by accident...I'm sorry, I won't do it agaaaAAAAIIIINNN!!!"

Finland was done. "berwald...sweetie...COME BACK HERE YOU LITTLE SCUM BAG OH MY GOD PERKELE I AM DONE WITH PEOPLE DYING MY DOG'S FUR, MULTIPLYING MY CRAP, CALLING ME THE WRONG THINGS, AND BURNING VALUABLE STRUCTURES THAT TOOK ME YEARS TO BUILD OH MY JESUS WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU PEOPLE PeRkElE!!!!! Everyone was running for sweet life and trying to escape the worst.

The next day, sweden was in the hospital, iceland was nervous, norway ran away with denmark and denmark got them lost in stockholm, sweden. Finland was hiding in the basement so he would never again have to deal with people's crap. Ahh, the nordics...


	3. chapter three

Chapter three: quadruple date

Germany and italy.

France and england.

America and japan.

Russia and china.

Four couples, on the same date, in the conference room. they ordered take-out incase they got hungry. Germany and italy were doing-playing a game in the corner. A game...Yeah. Russia and china were under the table playing poker and drinking vodka. France and england were getting counciled by canada who was actually an expert in the love feild. And japan and america were writing yaoi and filming everything trying to make an atomic bomb out of fangirls. At one point russia got hit with a dog treat that was thrown from the gerita corner. china got sassy and italy got sassy right back. Germany and russia were trying to comfort eachother being the strongest nations and being afraid of their smol boyfriends, and everyone watched it. Canada yelled "GIRL FIGHT!" and that's when things went down. "AIYAA, ITALY YOU TORE OUT HALF OF MY WEAVE OH MY GOD ARU!!! MY SEW IN WEAVE WAS EXPENSIVE NOW YOU'RE GONNA PAY ARU!!! MAY YOUR MARINARA SAUCE NEVER CLING TO YOUR SPAGHETTI ARU!!!" everyone got quiet. china just snatched a weave. Italy blew a whistle that wasn't there before and romano, serborgia, germany, austria, hungary, belgium, netherlands, and prussia showed up/got into place behind him, magically in gangster attire and weapons and yao whistled and japan, hong kong, south korea, taiwan, vietnam, thailand, india, russia, ukraine, Belarus, lithuania, latvia, estonia, poland, Seychelles, france, canada, england, america, scottland, ireland, north ireland, wales, new zealand, sealand, hutt river, and wy, all wearing extremely gangster clothing and good weapons thanks to russia and his great inventing skills. Japan sighed. "well thanks to hong kong and china we have the british/french influence AND the slavic family. We need to chill like jesus christ.


End file.
